thats how i feel today. 

i need to keep reminding myself that life is not a competition. BUT ITS SO HARD :( i hate being last at everything. why am i so behind… seriously. why am i like this? why do i have to be the best and first at everything. doing the right thing and waiting for everything is what i know im supposed to be doing but why doesnt everyone else have to do that too!! my parents talk about how im supposed to do everything in order. BUT FUCK ORDER. and oh yeah. college, why do you have to suck the fun out of everything? why are you the only thing between me and LIFE? gosh. okay i think i got it all out. COLLEGE FINISH faster please im begging you. 

okay thanks bye :)

when will i stop being an outsider in your eyes? i try so hard to help you out in any way that i can yet i continually face negativity. nothing i do is “good” enough. you treat me like shit and i still do shit for you. you talk about me behind my back and i still treat you like you are family. you constantly have to be better than me at everything and do everything first. and then rub it in my face. really? i trusted you. you are the only person that makes me feel like this. for me family is someone who will do anything for eachother no matter what. family is love. family is more than just blood.